Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
