dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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