So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
