is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
