I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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