I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
