I smell stomach acid.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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