We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
