Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
