I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
