brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
