DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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