and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I touched a dick in church today
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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