Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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