Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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