is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
