At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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