Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
