What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
