Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
