our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
