i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
