my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
