he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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