Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
