1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
