so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
