i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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