My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
