what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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