You really coming over, don't trick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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