just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
