Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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