you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
