I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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