I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
