when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
