Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
