This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
