Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i now understand why vodka
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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