he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
