at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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