yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
