I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
