I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
