We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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