It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
