do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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