last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
