I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
