If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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