Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
