Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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