If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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