You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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